The Munted Matrix
by Two Bored Idiots
Summary: PG-13 just to be on the safe side. A really random fic that we did just because we were bored. Warning - Contains exesive amounts of bunny Rabbits! CHAPTER 2 FINALLY UP!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:  Now… If we owned the Matrix (as those incredibly lucky Wachowski Brothers do) we would be very happy, and rolling around in cash and not writing fanfiction but making MORE Matrix movies! But sadly L we don't so… We don't… benefit from this…it is purely for your entertainment…so…don't sue (even though it is really bad and u r damaged forever after reading it)!!!! *Authors run off screaming and crying over the fact that they do not (and never will) own the matrix and it's characters*

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 A/N- See how you have had to scroll down all this way just 2 read this useless message which is to tell you that despite how bad this story is we can not use the excuse that this is our first story (which u definitely don't want 2 read).  We would really appreciate any response (good or bad) to this story, but please don't b 2 abusive! L  Should we start the story now???? ^___^

YES!!!! HERE IT IS…

The story starts at the beginning (duh) and not the end but…

Scene where Matrix Code is scrolling down the screen quite obviously forming the words " The line is tapped, Cypher is the bad guy and your all gonna die…eventually" but everyone is oblivious to this fact and listens to the voices that have now started following the ringing of a telephone.

CYPHER: Yo my sista!!!!! 

TRINTY: Is everything ready for me to obsess over the nerdy guy we are watching?

CYPHER: Hey! This is my shift, I wanna play spy!!!!

TRINTIY: yeah well I feel like taking a shift… besides… he is kinda cute… for a nerd!

CYPHER: You like watching him don't you…

TRINTIY: Does the word 'duh' mean anything to you?

CYPHER: You know we're gonna kill him…

TRINTY: NOOOOOOOO not my lovely nerd!!!! 'sides Morpheus thinks he is the one… and I am going to LUUUUUVE the one!

CYPHER: What do you believe?

TRINITY: I believe… (starts singing) He's sexy, he's cute, he's popular to boot, he hacking, Great hair, no girls are allowed to stare!!! (cause I am claiming him!)* laughs evily and almost misses tell tale sound of the line being traced *

TRINTIY: Are you sure this line is safe?

CYPHER: Course I'm not… I am the bad gu… oops not s'posed to say that… please forget that comment until later when you realize that I AM BAD!!! * also laughs evily *

TRINTIY: OOOO-KAY then…

Cut to scene where Trinity kicks male policeman a$$…

Police men enter

RANDOM PLICE MAN: Freeze!!

TRIN: Why?

RPM: Because I said so and I am in control!!!!! 

Trinity proceeds to beat them all to a pulp while showing off amazing slow motion effects, then pulls a phone out of her impossibly tight outfit that would not be able to conceal a phone. (A/N- we realize that the phone comes off the desk but that is not the point… it all about drama and silliness!)

TRIN (into phone): The line was traced.

RANDOM GUY THAT WE SOON LEARN IS MORPHEUS: duh!!!

TRIN: are there any agents?

RG (M): Of course, it wouldn't be any fun if there weren't, none of those fat, un-co police men are any good for a decent chase scene.

TRIN: **S**#$*&#$(**H*%()#&*($****I#)$&#**T**! Oh well, I best run away so that I can show more of the terrific slow motion effects and show off my wonderful running away skills!**

RG (M): You do that and have fun!

Trinity runs away, making impossible leaps over impossible distances, as we are so subtly reminded of by the Police men.  Trinity then TRIES to dives through a teeny tiny window and misses, hitting the brick wall and sliding slowly down with squeaking noises.

TRIN: oooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww.

Manages to get up and run towards a phone booth arriving at the same time as a large military looking truck, which revs its engine and faces the phone booth (which contains a ringing public phone) menacingly.  Trinity glares menacingly at the driver of the truck, hesitates then runs for the phone booth just as the truck begins to go towards the phone booth, until it backfires and stalls.  Trinity reaches the booth and realizing what has happened to the truck pom-poms magically appear and she starts doing cheerleading. 

TRIN: Uh huh, Uh huh, I rule! YAH!!!

Picking up the phone which is STILL ringing she disappears.

Cut 2 scene where Neo is slumped across his keyboard and random music is played in the background. 

COMPUTER: Wake up my Bro!

NEO: Wha??

COMPUTER: Dude, da Matrix haz u.

NEO: Wha??

COMPUTER: folla da white rabbit man.

NEO (Who as we can see has a very large vocabulary): Wha??

COMPUTER: Nock nock Neo…

Computer screen goes blank. Silence and crickets begin to chirp in the background

NEO: Wha??

10 mins later the comp screen is still blank and Neo still has the very confused Wha?? Look on his face. A thumop is heard from the direction of the door.

COMPUTER: Got it!!.. Nock nock Neo…

Neo completely ignores the computer and walk over to the door and opens it. There appears to be no-one there until he look down and finds a fluffy white rabbit with a carrot hanging in front of it, held by a string and stick. The rabbit proceeds to run into the wall again.

NEO: Wha??

This "intelligent" sound attracts the rabbit's attention and seeing Neo it bounds off down the hall towards the elevator, but runs into the closed doors. Neo, following the instructions the computer, gets down onto all fours and follows the rabbit, and crashes headlong into the still closed doors.  

NEO: (rubbing his head in pain) Wha??

The rabbit (which is obviously smarter than Neo) gets the lift open and leads him all the way to the club. Neo follows him and in doing this misses his all-important meeting with the odd drug guy. This means he won't be able to pay the next weeks rent but what the hell, the rabbit was SO cute!!!

At the club where the rabbit has run off to be with his other fluffy rabbit friends, ignoring Neo, who is left to stand around and look lost. 

Trinity walks up to Neo.

TRIN: Hello Neo

NEO: (extending his vocabulary) Who??

TRIN: I know why you are here.

NEO: (at last starts making some sense) To give me a cute rabbit that I will love and care for and take for lots of nice long walks???

TRIN: No.

NEO: But I want one! *He starts to cry* 

NEO: (in little kids voice) I'll take good care of it, and be very very responsibible! 

TRIN: No!! I'm here to talk about the Matrix.

NEO: (on the verge of tears) But…

TRIN: Look you'll get a rabbit later now will you just listen?

NEO: YAY!!!

TRIN: (starting talk again) I know why you are here.

NEO: We've been through this!

TRIN: shut up… You're looking for him Neo.

NEO: the rabbit's a boy? Can I still call him Fluffy?

TRIN: Look, forget the rabbit will you?!?! I am trying to get a very important message across. And you haven't even checked once while I've been here. *starting to cry* I go to all this trouble, get all dressed up, and you don't even notice! You males are all the same! *slaps Neo in the face and runs off crying*

Neo walks off (undeterred) to look for the rabbit.

Cut to the scene at the office where Neo (AKA Mr Anderson) is getting a good telling off for god knows what. Neo isn't paying attention (A/N Well who would?) and is instead listening to the window cleaners, who are making much more noise than necessary to tell everyone that they are there. 

NEO'S BOSS: (ignoring window cleaners) do I make myself clear?

NEO: Wha??

NB (finally noticing the window cleaners): BOO!!!!!!!

Window cleaners are scared and fall off the scaffolding to their doom errrr. Um… deaths.

NB (turning around to face Neo again): Have I made myself clear.

NEO (shocked): Ummmm, yeah,  about as clear as that window.

NB: Good then unless you are at your desk on time from now on you can find yourself another job, none of which will pay as much as this job under MY command because I am all important!!! Bow to me!!!

NEO: b-b-b-b-b-b-ut if you fire me how will I pay for my rabbie?

NB (turning around to see that the window cleaners have somehow made it back onto their scaffolding and are continuing their jobs): Well that is not my problem is it? Now go and sit at your desk and do nothing, as you always do.

As Neo walks out the door he hears a "BOO" and more screams, he doesn't look and continues to walk to his desk where he sits and stares at a blank computer screen for god knows how long broding over the fact that he sux!

Fed Ex guy walks up to Neo carrying a package

FEG: Mr Anderson?

NEO:Is that my rabbit?

FEG: Ummm… If it is it's slighty, how do I put this? Ummmm dead and rather ahhhhhh squashed.

NEO: You killed AND squashed MY rabbie? I can't believe you, you will be hearing from my rabbits lawyer Mr Delivery Dude!!

Package starts ringing.

FEG: Well from the sounds of that I would say that it is not your rabbit so will you please just sign the paper and let me get out of here!!!

NEO: Oh, all right but you will not get away with this!!!

Fed Ex Guy snatches the pad from Neo and runs off in a hurry trying desperately to get away from Neo as he answers the phone.

NEO: Hello?

RANDOM GUY: Is this the center for verbally challenged Males?

NEO: wha??

RG: I'll take that as a yes.. (Randomly hangs up phone because he is at a loss as to what to say!)

NEO: Hmmmm OK then you do that!

RANDOM MALE WHO IS ACTUALLY MORPHEUS BUT WE DO NOT KNOW THAT YET!: Neo?

NEO: yah! Who did you think it would be… the tooth fairy?

RM (M): yes, well actually, but that is not the point, do you know who I am?

NEO: A nice man who is going to tell me that he has a bunny rabbit to give me?

RM (M): No this is Morpheus! THEY are there to get you… look towards the elevator…

Neo looks towards the elevator but there is no one there…

MORPHEUS: Damn, got the timing wrong AGAIN!!! TANK!!!!! 

In background Tank looks sheepish and tries to hide the picture of the lady in red (whom we have not yet seen) as he attempts to look innocent.

MOR: Ummmmmmm… Try now!

Neo looks towards the elevator and sees a group of men.

NEO: The window cleaners are here to get me? I thought they were here to clean windows!!!

MOR: Damn! 

NEO: What about those dudes behind the window cleaners???  

MOR: yeah… look towards the elevator … NOW.

NEO: But I'm already looking at the elevator!!!

Morpheus completely gives up on Neo and hangs up; this causes Neo to be caught right away and saves a lot of stuffing around. It also saves the cost of the new phone, which Neo decides to drop off the side of the building when he was playing chicken.

OK then! Did ya like it? Did ya hate it? If ya liked it - review, if ya hated it - review, if you couldn't care less – review.

The next chappie shall feature the interrogation room and Agent Smith!! YAY!!!! 

See you all next time for more randomness, oddness and of course, bunnies!!!

Two Bored Idiots

(/)(/)

(*_*)


	2. Chapter 2

CUT TO INTERROGATION SCENE WHERE NEO IS SITTING IN THE ROOM AT THE TABLE

View Glides through computer/ TV screens 

*Random Rap Guy enters*

RRG: Yo Bro! You aint sposed to be here man!

NEO: wha?

TTG: *looks around room* Aye! This aint the recording studio for Australian Idol is it? (A/N: do u know what Australian Idol is? If not review and ask and all will be revealed)

NEO: I dunno… But I do sing well!!!!!!

RRG: *glances round nervously at door as Neo breaks into really off key version of _OOPS I did it again*_

VIEW QUICKLY ZOOMS OUT OF SCREENS AND BACK IN AGAIN

*Smith, Jones and Brown enter.  Smith is carrying a file which he opens as he sits down in front of Neo who is still singing and looking very confused*

SMITH: *glares at Neo who stops singing* Mr Jones *Jones gets a confused look on his face to match Neo's* as you can see we've had our eye on you for quite some time now….

*Jones stands in corner of room now looking VERY worried*

AGENT SMITH: It seems you've been living 2 lives, in one you are an agent of the system, you hunt rebels, you destroy exiles and you…. Drive our shiny black car.  In your other life *continues to read on silently raising an eyebrow and ignoring the chaos that has started around him*

*Jones dives for the file as Brown restrains him*

NEO: wha???

BROWN: Don't interrupt Mr Anderson! *Neo's mouth seals*

NEO: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

*Brown aims gun at Neo's head and he shuts up

SMITH: (continuing on as if nothing has happened) in the other life you are a drag queen that goes by the Alias Courtney…

BROWN: That was you? You were my favorite!!! You were great!!!! You so shouldn't have been kicked out!!!!!

*Smith glares at Brown who promptly shuts up. *

NEO: mmmhhhphphphpffff mmmmmm mnnoppppffpfppfpf mmhhghhgjhfhfj (A/N: Translation; This should be about me! you should be talking to me about me!! Me me me me me me me )

SMITH: *ignoring Neo* You enter talent shows as a crossdresser and are guilty of almost every mental breakdown of the cast and crew…

JONES: *stuttering nervously* But that's not the point… that's beside the point… the point is there is no point… but that's not the point… cause the point ran away… his name was Bill.

S, B, N: wha????

BROWN: HEY! How did your mouth unseal?

NEO: The rabbit did it! I swear!!!!

SMITH: *digs through coat Mr Bean style pulling our anything everything including the kitchen sink and his pet cat finally pulling out a really thin file* As you can see Mr Anderson, we have had our eye on you for the *looks at watch* past 5 minutes now, and it has become apparent that you are in need of a severe vocabulary lesson…. Do you know how to speak a word with more than one syllable?

NEO: wha?

SMITH: *glancing at Jones and Brown* I will take that as a no!!! As much as I hate to admit it Mr Anderson… I am going to accept defeat.  You're here because as much as we hate to admit it we need your help…

J,B: *looking shamed* not that we want your help we just need it!

*Woman enters carrying file, which she hands to Smith*

SMITH: *Glares at Jones and Brown menacingly* we believe you have been contacted by a certain person, who calls himself…. Damn he hasn't contacted you in the past 5 minutes so we don't know his name

*Woman enters rushidly carrying a second file*

SMITH: Morpheus.  Whatever your small inferior mind thinks about him is irrelevant.  He is considered, by us, as a known terrorist and is the most dangerous man alive 

NEO: wha?

SMITH: My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you, that everything I say will go over your head * Jones and Brown making over the head signs in background* *mumbling* and I am starting to believe them! *Talking normally* but I think that you want to do the right thing so….

NEO: wha?

SMITH: *rolling his eyes* We are willing to wipe the slate clean… give you vocabulary lessons…. And all we want you to do is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice…

NEO: sorry, could you please repeat that last bit, the words were too big!

SMITH: *sighing* we-want-you-to-help-us-catch-morpheus-so-we-can-torture-him!

NEO: ohhhhhhhhh…. Gotcha…. And you know what? That sounds like a really good idea and all but I do know my rights…

SMITH: *looking shocked* HE ACTUALLY KNOWS SOMETHING

NEO: so how about I give you the finger…. *looking intently at fingers* ummmm which one is it?

*Jones leans over and shows him*

NEO: Thank you, *sticks up his finger* and you give me my phone call….

SMITH: How about NO! You will help us if it is the last thing you do!

*They restrain him onto the table and inject him with the 'bug' which is actually an anti-rabbit device that stops him coming into contact with rabbits*

SMITH: if you ever want to see your rabbit again you will  help us!!!

NEO: no! Not the rabbits! *He waves 'the finger' at them looking quite pleased with himself*

Cut to scene After the Agents Interrogation room. 

*Phone Rings*

Neo: Wha?

*He picks up the phone and throws it at the wall.*

Neo: better

*He goes back to sleep*

*His mobile rings*

*throws mobile out the window*

*another mobile magically appears in his hand, he throws that out the window to join the other.*

*THE ROOM FILL WITH MOBILE PHONEs ALL RINGING THOSE REALLY ANOYING TUNES*

Flash to Nebacanwork ( nebacanezza) where Morphues and Tank (who we still haven't met) are grinning at each other looking smug. 

Mor: "he has to answer one of them, and hopefully sometime soon, these conference calls are costing me a fortune!!"

Flash back to Neo's room where he is trying to decide which phone to answer.

Neo: 'damn these telemarketers! They are getting good!'

*He finally answers a phone*

Neo: 'Wha?'

Mor: 'I must be brief, the line is tapped so I will have to tell the Agents everything very quickly before they realize what I am doing. They got to you first. But you know that, so do I, and so do they for that matter, but she doesn't, and neither does he. That is why I am telling you this…'

*line goes dead as the sedatives Tank injected take effect*

Neo: 'oooook then'

*looks very freaked out*

*Trinity picks up the phone*

Trin: 'First you now him! What is insanity contagious or something?!?!?! (A/N yes it is, if u around us for too long anyways…)

Neo: 'Um… Dunno. But have you got the rabbit?'

TRIN: No but… *singing I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddley dum, here they are all sitting in a row, dum dum dum, big ones small ones, some as big as your head, give them a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said…'

*she continues until Tank knocks her out with a baseball bat* 

NEO: 'I don't care about coconuts! Give me my bunny rabbit!!! (A/N – I actually just got some bunny rabbits! So there! *sticks tongue out at Neo*)

TANK: Look all we've got to tell you is that, they got you first but underestimated how important you are, if you want to find out the truth you must go to a random bridge in a random place at a random time… well… yeah…

NEO: But how will I know which one? 

TANK: Just pick any one you like… oh hey… did you see that episode of CSI where they found that dead women under a bridge?

NEO: * looking rather scared * ummmmmm no… do I want to?

TANK: yeah well, you missed soooooo much it was like… * talks about the episode for several hours until the battery of Neo's mobile runs out and beeps loudly waking Neo up who has fallen asleep*

Cuts to scene where Neo is waiting under bridge…

NEO: Why tonight? Of all nights it has to be the heaviest and only rain in AGES… and why did I pick this bridge? It leaks!!!! Hey… raindrops keep falling on my head… (A/N; u know dat song where they go on about raindrops…)

*black car drives up and not seeing him until too late runs him over then backs back over him so they can see who he is… *

*Door of car opens to see Trinity leaning over to see who it was*

TRIN: Damn, he's still alive! Hey its Neo! Double damn!

*from inside car* 'See Trinity, I told you it would be this bridge!!! It wouldn't be this hard if Tank had told him a specific bridge!! *Glares at Tank even though he isn't there*

TRIN: 'Just get in the car Neo'

NEO: * opens one eye to look at Trinity * but I want to practice playing dead so that next time I do an audition I am better at doing nothing!

TRIN: yes well… for doing nothing I give you an A+! Now get in the car!

NEO: * jumps up excitedly and hops into car* you know I never got an A+ before!!! Wow-O!!!!!! 

SWITCH: * turning around and pointing gun at Neo * Take your shirt off…

NEO: no I am doing what I do best… nothing!!! So now that I got an A+ in nothing I want to get one in Stubborness… hey…. Feisty aren't we….

RANDOM GUY IN DRIVERS SEAT: Fast aren't we…

NEO: Shut UP!!!! I don't see her asking you to take YOURS off!!! HA!!!

SWITCH: Nah… we get to that part when we get back to the ship *winks to random guy * just take the shirt off NEO!!!!

TRIN: HEY!!!! He is mine… I am the one with OCD (A/N: Obsessive Compulsive Dissorder*) I bags him… mine mine mine!!!!!!!

NEO: Now now ladies… no need to fight, cause I just don't like the other one…

TRIN/SWITCH: which one?

NEO: I don't like the blonde one…

SWITCH: who is holding the gun here?

NEO: ummmm…. You…. Gees and they say I am thick and slow! Duh!!!!

TRIN: * pokes tongue at Switch* see… Neo lift your shirt up…

NEO: Right away ma'am! * lifts up shirt *

TRIN: A+ for obedience, good puppy

NEO: *watching Trinity as she lifts up a machine *… hey do I get a copy of my report card to show my mum?

TRIN: yes, whatever, now sit still

*search for anti-rabbit device takes place, as Trinity sux it out… *

NEO: YAY!! Now I can look 4 my rabbie!! * tries to take door off and throw it out the window so he can escape *

SWITCH: put it back in QUICKLY!

TRINTY: But I just threw it out the window so they can do that cool scene of it dying!

SWITCH: damn… oh well at least we are here….

*They exit the car to go and see Morpheus*

SEE… we do update!!! It just takes time… blame T'lorie! Do u know how hard it is 2 get her 2 work on it between all our homework, which in all truth is not very much!!! In the end we ended up writing it ourselves (with her help)  
  


Oh well….

LOATH LIKELOVE????? Who cares (not me) REVIEW ANYWAYZ!!!  Me DON'T CARE!

Hey you lovely people who reviewed… (Despite the fact that most of you were threatened by Kylie… (glares @ her) review again!!!! (Kylie glares back) hey! At least we got reviews Amy! No thanks to you!

YAY!

I m very proud of me!!!

That's nice Amy!

Well I did type it!

Yeah, after I threatened you! (and offered you chocolate)

*Mouth full of chocolate* Yummy! Well, you weren't any help were you?

Hey! I didn't have the story stupid!

That's not the point!

*They see all the readers staring at them* 

Um, I think we are scaring them…

Yeah. we'll just be going now…

*Both* Cya! 


End file.
